Escape to Paradise: Stunning Holiday Home w/ Private Jetty near Hoorn & Medemblik!
Escape to Paradise: More Like a Very Nice Dream, With a Few Hiccups (Review)
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because I'm about to spill the tea (and probably some wine) on "Escape to Paradise: Stunning Holiday Home w/ Private Jetty near Hoorn & Medemblik!" This place… it's a trip. Before you roll your eyes, yes, I know, another review. But hey, I actually went there. I breathed the fresh Dutch air, almost fell in the canal (more on that later), and generally tried to have myself a little slice of paradise. Did I succeed? Let's find out.
SEO & Metadata (because apparently, that's a thing now):
- Keywords: Holiday Home Review, Hoorn, Medemblik, Netherlands, Private Jetty, Accessible Accommodation, Spa, Swimming Pool, Family-Friendly, Romantic Getaway, Luxury Stay, COVID-19 Safe, Wellness, North Holland, Dutch Holiday, Weekend Getaway
- Description: Honest and in-depth review of "Escape to Paradise," a stunning holiday home near Hoorn and Medemblik, Netherlands. Highlights include accessibility, spa facilities, dining options, cleanliness, and overall experience, with a dash of humor and real-life anecdotes.
- Category: Travel, Accommodation, Holiday Homes
Accessibility - The Good, With a Tiny Sigh
First things first: Accessibility. This place… tries. They’ve got facilities for disabled guests and an elevator, which is already a win. Now, I'm not personally using a wheelchair, but I did notice wide doors and what seemed like accessible pathways. However… (and there's always a "however," isn't there?)… navigating the grounds felt a bit… patchy. Some areas were beautifully paved, others… let’s just say my clumsy self nearly took a tumble. Still, kudos for the effort, it's better than a lot of places I've seen.
On-site accessible restaurants / lounges: (I'm a glutton for punishment, so I've had to include every single option given, even if I found it empty) I did not see any on-site accessible restaurants. It was left to the dining, drinking, and snacking, which I will get to later.
Cleanliness and Safety - Feeling Squeaky Clean… Mostly
Alright, Covid-era travel. Let's talk sanitation. Anti-viral cleaning products, daily disinfection in common areas, hot water linen and laundry washing, individually-wrapped food options, physical distancing of at least 1 meter, professional-grade sanitizing services, room sanitization opt-out available (thank goodness, I like my germs!), and sanitized kitchen and tableware items. Basically, they’ve gone all-in on cleanliness. I even saw staff trained in safety protocol and wearing masks religiously. I felt pretty darn safe. Though, I did slightly eye-roll when I saw a small bottle of hand sanitizer next to the wine glasses. Priorities people!
Getting Around - You've Got Options, But Consider a Bike (Trust Me)
Airport transfer, Bicycle parking, Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Car power charging station, Taxi service, and Valet parking. Options galore! Driving there was straightforward, and the car park [free of charge] was a huge plus. Bicycle parking is a must in the Netherlands, and I wish I'd taken advantage of it. The area is MADE for cycling. Next time, for sure.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking - A Mixed Bag of Delights
Okay, here's where things get interesting. The Restaurants situation: Well, the 'Escape to Paradise' is no bustling city. A la carte in the restaurant was available. I did manage to try the soup in the restaurant, which was heart warming and a taste of home. The poolside bar sounded fab, but was not open during my trip. The Breakfast [buffet] was… a buffet. Adequate, with a decent selection of the bog standard. The Breakfast service was decent, nothing to rave about, but it was fuel, and I needed it! I did notice the Coffee/tea in restaurant available, which was good for my needs. Western cuisine in restaurant, International Cuisine.
Services and Conveniences - The Little Things That Matter (and Some That Don't)
The usual suspects: Air conditioning in public area, concierge, daily housekeeping, doorman, dry cleaning, elevator, facilities for disabled guests, gift/souvenir shop, invoice provided, ironing service, luggage storage, safety deposit boxes, and Wi-Fi for special events.
The whole hand sanitizer, essential condiments, daily housekeeping, and room service [24-hour] – yep, the standard. But the little things? The convenience store was handy for grabbing snacks. The currency exchange, while I didn't need it, was a thoughtful touch. The Meeting/banquet facilities, and indoor venue for special events were there but I don’t know who would choose to go there for a meeting, but hey, each to their own I suppose, though I found them empty during my trip.
Things to do, ways to relax - Spa Day, Here I Come! (Or, Well, Sort Of)
This is where "Escape to Paradise" really shines. The Spa/sauna is legit. I spent a glorious afternoon melting into the sauna and the steamroom. There's a swimming pool, pool with view, pool [outdoor], and the obligatory massage, which was divine. The Body wrap and Body scrub were tempting, but I chickened out… Maybe next time! The Gym/fitness, and Fitness center were there, taunting me to get on the treadmill. I ignored them. I was on holiday!
Available in All Rooms - The Nitty-Gritty Details
Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathtub, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone, Blackout curtains, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box, Interconnecting room(s) available, Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Safety/security feature, Satellite/cable channels, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Visual alarm, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens.
- The Good: I'm a sucker for a comfy bed, and the extra-long bed with those blackout curtains meant I slept like a log. The bathrobes were plush, and the free bottled water was a godsend. The wi-fi [free] worked perfectly.
- The "Meh": The "on-demand movies" selection wasn't exactly blockbuster material. And the "desk" felt a bit cramped for any serious work. But hey, I wasn't there to work, was I?
- The "What Was That For?": The bathroom phone. Seriously? Who calls from the bathroom? (Don't answer that.)
For the Kids - Family-Friendly? (Mostly)
Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, and Kids meal. This place is definitely set up for families. I didn’t have kids with me, but I saw plenty of families enjoying the amenities. So yes, a definite check in the "family-friendly" box.
The Quirks, the Imperfections, and the Almost-Drowning Experience
Okay, here's where it gets real. "Escape to Paradise" isn't perfect. There were a few little things, like a slightly temperamental shower and a TV remote that seemed to have a mind of its own. But honestly, these are minor quibbles. The real drama? My near-death experience.
Remember that private jetty I mentioned? Well, it's GORGEOUS. Serene, picturesque, Instagram-worthy. I was enjoying the sunset, sipping a (slightly too strong) cocktail, and admiring the view. Suddenly, a rogue gust of wind (or maybe I just stood on shaky legs) caused me to stumble. Next thing I knew, I was flailing towards the canal. Luckily, I managed to grab onto a railing and pull myself back up. The shame, the soaked clothes, the sheer terror… all part of the "Escape to Paradise" experience, I guess?
Emotional Verdict - Would I Go Back?
Absolutely. Despite the minor issues and the heart-stopping moment on the jetty, "Escape to Paradise" is a truly lovely place. It's clean, comfortable, and has enough amenities to keep you entertained for days. The location is perfect for exploring the charming towns of North Holland.
Final Score: 8/10 (Minus one point for the non-functioning remote and another for almost drowning). But definitely recommended. Just watch your step!
Post-Script (Because I Can):
- Don’t skip the sauna. Seriously.
- Pack comfy shoes for exploring the area
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because this itinerary is about to get REAL. We're talking a holiday home with a jetty, 19 klicks from Hoorn, near Medemblik, Netherlands. Sounds idyllic, right? (Spoiler alert: it probably will be, eventually. Don't judge the preamble).
The "Plan" (God, I hate plans. But SOME semblance of order is needed… probably):
Day 1: Arrival, Jetty Dreams & the Curse of the Grocery Store
- 14:00: Land in Amsterdam Schiphol Airport. Ugh, airports. Let the stress begin. Pray the luggage survives intact.
- (Rambling Interlude) Why are airport security lines always staffed by people who seem personally offended by the idea of you actually going on holiday? Like, "Really? A holiday? You think you're deserving of a holiday, huh?" I swear, they radiate judgement.
- 15:00 - 16:00: Pick up rental car. Fingers crossed I don't accidentally drive us into a canal. Dutch roads are narrow, and I'm easily flustered.
- 16:00 - 17:00: Drive to the holiday home. 19 km from somewhere. Honestly, after the airport, the rental car, and the constant fear of drowning, I'm just hoping we get there.
- 17:00: ARRIVAL (hopefully!). Unpack, breathe, and assess the jetty situation. Manifesting pure dockside bliss. Imagine: legs dangling, a good book, the gentle lapping of the water…
- 18:00: Grocery store run in Medemblik. Prepare for a potential existential crisis in a supermarket. I've been known to spend an hour just staring at the cheese selection, paralyzed by indecision.
- (Quirky Observation) Okay, I'm already anticipating the Dutch grocery store experience. They'll probably have some weird, delicious-looking things I can't identify but have to try. And the checkout person will look you dead in the eye, scan every item with precision and a stoic expression, and then expect exact change, or judgement.
- 19:00: Dinner at the holiday home. Pray for minimal cooking disasters. I'm leaning lasagna, because it's easy (in theory) and comforting.
- 20:00 - 21:00: Jetty time! Sunset, drinks, marveling at the fact that we are, in fact, here. (Hopefully)
Day 2: Medemblik, Boats & the Perils of Cycling
- 09:00: Breakfast. Coffee. Lots of coffee. And maybe some desperately needed caffeine-fueled optimism.
- 10:00: Explore Medemblik. *Medieval castle, charming streets, the usual touristy stuff. But, you know, in the Netherlands, so it’s probably *actually* charming.*
- (Emotional Reaction) I'm genuinely excited about this. I need a little bit of beauty after the airport trauma. Plus, I have a weakness for old buildings.
- 12:00: Boat tour on the IJsselmeer. Hoping I don't get seasick. I'm a terrible sailor, even on a relatively calm lake.
- (Anecdote & Imperfection) Remember that time I tried to sail a tiny dinghy in the Mediterranean? Let's just say the only thing that "sailed" was my blood pressure. I nearly capsized, I had to be rescued by some very amused Germans, and I haven't been near a sailboat since. Hopefully, a larger boat, with an actual captain, will be more my speed.
- 14:00: Lunch in Medemblik (looking for a place with outdoor seating). Need the sun. Need to feel like I’m not a pale, indoor creature.
- 15:00: Cycle along the shore. Another test of my coordination. Can I handle Dutch cycle paths? Probably not gracefully.
- (Messier Structure & Occasional Rambles) Oh, the bikes. The bikes! I'm mildly terrified of Dutch cyclists. They’re everywhere. They're fast. They have an unwritten code of traffic rules that I am clearly not privy to. I’m going to have to figure this out, because "cycling" is practically a national sport. Maybe I’ll just walk. Or, no, I'll face my fears. It’s all part of the adventure, right? Right??
- 17:00: Back to the holiday home. Rest, shower, and recover from potential cycling injuries. Maybe a nap. Definitely a nap.
- 19:00: Dinner. Trying out something new. Possibly something I found in the Dutch grocery store, that I can't identify or pronounce.
- 20:00 - 21:00: More jetty time! More drinks, maybe some star-gazing. That is IF it's not cloudy. The weather, I’m told, is a fickle mistress.
Day 3: Hoorn & the Search for the Perfect Stroopwafel
- 09:00: Breakfast. More coffee. I'm basically running on caffeine and adrenaline at this point.
- 10:00: Day trip to Hoorn. Known for its pretty harbor and historical buildings. Again, the word "charming" is probably involved.
- 11:00 - 13:00: Explore Hoorn. Wandering, sightseeing, and searching for the perfect Stroopwafel (I’m determined!).
- (Stronger Emotional Reaction) Stroopwafels. I have a serious weakness for these things. I've dreamed of them, I've craved them, I've searched for them. So, finding the perfect one is paramount. I'll be on a quest!
- 13:00: Lunch in Hoorn (still searching for stroopwafels… and a decent lunch). My hunger knows no limits.
- 14:00: Visit the Westfries Museum (or something else if it's boring). Culture! Sort of. If I'm tired of museums, I'll just find a canal-side cafe and people-watch.
- 16:00: Return to the holiday home.
- 18:00: Dinner. Maybe we'll try grilling something. Or maybe we'll just eat the leftovers.
- 19:00 - 22:00: Jetty time- a long one! Letting go of the day and just being.
Day 4: Relaxation, Reflections & Departure (sob!)
- 09:00: Breakfast. Savoring the last breakfast.
- 10:00: Relaxing on the jetty. Last chance to soak up the peace and quiet.
- (Doubling Down on a Single Experience) I'm talking serious jetty time. I'm going to park myself right there, on a comfy chair. I'm going to read a good book. I'm going to stare at the water. I'm going to breathe. This is it. This is why we came! The ultimate decompression experience! I am going to become one with the dock.
- 12:00: Light lunch. Trying to use up leftover groceries - or whatever I buy at the last minute from the supermarket.
- 13:00: Pack up. The dreaded packing. The beginning of the end of serenity.
- 14:00: Clean the holiday home (or try to). I’m surprisingly bad at cleaning, but I'll give it a shot.
- 15:00: Drive to Amsterdam Schiphol Airport. The reverse of the day one arrival. Let the stress return.
- 17:00: Return rental car. Hopefully, the car has survived my driving.
- 18:00: Check in. Security, again. Remember to bring the patience.
- 19:00: Dinner at the airport. Expensive and awful, guaranteed.
- 21:00: Take off your flight. Goodbye, Netherlands. It was great!
Day 4: (and a Half): Post Trip Thoughts
- Home: Exhausted. But with a heart full of memories. A new appreciation for Stroopwaffels and the Dutch.
- (Opinionated Language & Natural Pacing) What a trip! Did it go to plan? Absolutely not. Did I see all the things? Nope. Did I find the perfect Stroopwafel? Well… almost. Did I get lost? Several times. Did I cycle with grace? I'm not going to answer that. But did I have a fantastic time? Absolutely. The jetty, the boat rides
Alright, spill the beans. Is this place *actually* paradise? Or just a glorified shed with a dock?
The private jetty. Is it, like, *actually* private? Can I sunbathe naked and terrorize the local ducks?
Hoorn and Medemblik. What's the deal? Worth leaving the glorious jetty for?
The 'holiday home'. What kind of vibe are we talking? Rustic? Modern? Is there a dishwasher? (This is crucial.)
Is there anything *bad* about the place? Be honest! I'm not looking for a fairytale.
So, would you go back? Really?
Okay, okay, one last question! What was the *best* part? The thing that makes you smile when you replay that in your head?
