Czech Republic Paradise: Luxurious Holiday Home Awaits in Zlata Olesnice!
The Xanadu Experience: A Deep Dive (Prepare for Turbulence!)
Alright, buckle up, buttercups. I just back from Xanadu, and let me tell you, it's… well, it's something. Trying to distill the whole experience into a neat little package is like trying to herd cats wearing tiny hats. So, expect some rambling, expect some oversharing, and expect me to probably contradict myself. But hey, at least it'll be honest, right?
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- Meta Description: Honest and in-depth review of Xanadu Hotel, covering accessibility, dining, spa, safety protocols, and more. Learn about the good, the bad, and the truly bizarre in this unvarnished look. Think before you book!
Accessibility (Navigating the Labyrinth):
Okay, let's start with the basics. Wheelchair accessible? Yep, seems to be, but I'd still call and triple-check. I saw ramps and elevators, but you know how these things go. Elevator: check. Facilities for disabled guests: They say they have them, but I didn't put them to the test personally. Non-smoking rooms: yes.
Accessibility: I am not using any mobility aids at the moment and the accessibility was generally well done, just a bit of a maze to navigate.
On-site accessible restaurants / lounges: Definitely.
The Wi-Fi Saga: A Tale of Two Signals (and a lot of Frustration)
First things first: Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! Hooray! And Wi-Fi in public areas! Double hooray! In theory. In reality, it was a bit like chasing a phantom. The signal in my room was…iffy. Sometimes strong, sometimes nonexistent, mostly just irritating. I spent a good hour trying to upload a photo of a particularly spectacular sunset, and ended up just staring at my phone, muttering under my breath like a seasoned traveler on a mission.
Internet [LAN] and Internet: They advertise this. I didn't even try it, the whole Wi-Fi situation had me wary. I went out hoping for a better signal, hoping to enjoy the internet in public areas.
Internet services: Yes, but did it work? That's the question.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking (Fueling the Adventure):
Oh, the food. Where do I even begin? The Asian breakfast was… interesting. I’m a sucker for a good buffet, but the Buffet in Restaurant was overwhelming. The breakfast buffet. It was a sensory overload of a wide variety of items. The Western breakfast was better, thankfully. They had a decent coffee shop, a few restaurants, and even a poolside bar. I spent a lot of time at the poolside bar, mostly because the Wi-Fi there was marginally better.
- A la carte in restaurant: Yep.
- Bar: Oh, yes. (See above)
- Bottle of water: Provided, thankfully.
- Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop: Indeed.
- Desserts in restaurant: A pleasant distraction.
- Happy hour: Went to several.
- International cuisine in restaurant: Yes.
- Poolside bar: My best friend.
- Restaurants: Plenty.
- Room service [24-hour]: Now that is luxury.
- Salad in restaurant: Very fresh.
- Snack bar: Convenient.
- Soup in restaurant: Warm and comforting.
- Vegetarian restaurant: I saw at least one.
- Western cuisine in restaurant: A safe bet.
One morning, I ordered the Breakfast in room. I envisioned a leisurely experience, enjoying my coffee while gazing at the hotel grounds. Instead, a flustered waiter showed up with a tray containing cold eggs and lukewarm coffee. I sent it back. It just felt a little… chaotic. The Breakfast takeaway service might have been a better option. The Alternative meal arrangement however gave me the ability to eat whenever I wanted.
Things to do (Or Avoiding Getting Bored):
Xanadu definitely has things to do. Things to do, ways to relax: That's their motto. The Swimming pool [outdoor] was beautiful, and the Pool with view was even better! The Spa/sauna was a highlight. I had a massage that was pure bliss.
- Body scrub, Body wrap, Foot bath, Sauna, Spa, Steamroom: all there, all tempting.
- Fitness center, Gym/fitness: I'm not a gym person, but it looked well-equipped.
- Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor]: Definitely worth a dip!
Here's the thing, though: I actually wanted to get bored. I booked Xanadu to disconnect, to relax, to luxuriate. I wanted to wallow in idleness. The sheer amount of options almost felt…pressurizing. It was as if I had to tick them all off, just to justify the expense!
Cleanliness and Safety (The COVID-19 Chronicles):
Okay, let's talk about the elephant in the room (or the virus in the air). Cleanliness and safety were clearly a priority. They had all the bells and whistles. Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment.
I even noticed they had a Doctor/nurse on call and a First aid kit. But the reality? It felt…sterile. Too sterile. It was like walking around a laboratory. I was a little paranoid. It didn't exactly feel like a relaxing vacation. I'm all for safety, but the constant reminders of the pandemic did detract somewhat from the overall experience.
The Rooms sanitized between stays was the biggest plus. The Staff trained in safety protocol well, they were not quite as nice as other hotels, but considering the circumstances, I did not mind.
Services and Conveniences (The Good, the Bad, and the "Ugh"):
- Air conditioning in public area: Yes. Phew.
- Business facilities: Present. (The Xerox/fax in business center felt positively archaic.)
- Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Contactless check-in/out, Daily housekeeping, Doorman, Dry cleaning, Elevator, Facilities for disabled guests, Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Meetings, Meeting stationery, On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events, Projector/LED display, Safety deposit boxes, Shrine, Smoking area, Terrace, Wi-Fi for special events, Xerox/fax in business center: All there. The Concierge was helpful. The Laundry service? Expensive, but fast. The gift shop sold some truly questionable souvenirs.
The Little Things (That Drive You Nuts):
- Air conditioning: Worked. That's a win.
- Alarm clock: Yep.
- Bathtub: Yup.
- Blackout curtains: Essential for my sleep schedule.
- Closet: Spacious.
- Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea: Ah, the essentials.
- Daily housekeeping: Mostly effective.
- Desk: Good for working (when the Wi-Fi worked).
- Free bottled water: Always a plus.
- Hair dryer: Present.
- High floor: Thankfully. The view was decent.
- In-room safe box: Secure.
- Internet access – wireless, Internet access – LAN: (See Wi-Fi rant above).
- Ironing facilities: Helpful. But I was on vacation.
- Laptop workspace: Needed, given the Wi-Fi issues.
- Linens: Comfortable.
- Mini bar: Overpriced.
- Non-smoking: Thank goodness.
- Private bathroom: Yes, and spacious.
- Reading light: Essential.
- Refrigerator: Useful for keeping drinks cold.
- Satellite/cable channels: There were a lot of channels but I barely watched any.
- Seating area: Nice.
- Separate shower/bathtub: Always a plus.
- Shower: Powerful.
- Slippers: Comfy.
- Smoke detector: Reassuring.
- Soundproofing: Okay.
- Telephone: Used it, to complain about the Wi-Fi, mostly.
- Toiletries: Basic.
- **
Alright, buckle up buttercup, because we're venturing into a holiday home in Zlata Olesnice, Czech Republic. Forget those perfectly manicured itineraries, we're going full-blown, glorious, messy human. This is less a schedule and more a diary of potential disaster and delightful discovery. Let's see if we survive…
The Zlata Olesnice Debacle (aka, the "Relaxing Holiday" That Might Kill Us)
Day 1: Arrival and "Settle In" (aka, Panic Mode)
- 14:00: Touchdown in Prague. The airport is a chaotic symphony of stressed tourists and suspiciously organized taxi drivers. I swear one of them winked at me, then tried to charge me triple. Prague, you cheeky devil!
- 15:00-18:00: The Great Car Rental Hunt. This is where the "perfectly planned" melts into the puddle of "slightly panicked." GPS? My phone's already decided it hates the Czech Republic. I manage to navigate (mostly by sheer luck and a lot of frantic pointing) and finally we get our 'trustworthy' vehicle. I name him Bratr (Brother) for the long, hopefully uneventful road ahead.
- 18:00-21:00: The Drive - a winding journey through increasingly charming countryside. Stop for a truly questionable hot dog at a gas station. It was… an experience. Bratr handles himself pretty well, until he starts coughing over the hills.
- 21:00: Arrival at the Holy Grail of the Holiday Home. Or at least, that's what the photos promised. Let's be honest, the photos always lie a little. The house itself is lovely, albeit somewhat…rustic. Let's call it "charmingly dilapidated." The key doesn't quite fit in the lock, naturally. After 10 minutes of wrestling and a few choice swear words (mostly at myself), we're in!
- 21:30-23:00: Unpack, marvel at the view which is gorgeous (phew), discover the ancient, possibly haunted, looking fireplace. Test it. (Fireplace = success!)
Day 2: The "Gentle Hike" That Almost Became a Rescue Mission
- 09:00: Wake up. The sun is streaming through the wonky curtains, illuminating the dust motes dancing in the air. I swear, I haven't breathed air this clean, probably ever.
- 10:00: Breakfast. The fridge, it seems, isn't as well-stocked as I imagined. Cereal and a questionable jar of jam it is. We're channeling our inner pioneers, I guess.
- 11:00: Decide to be adventurous. Map: Check. Hiking boots: Check. (One pair might be slightly too small.) Head out for a "gentle" hike. Famous last words.
- 12:00-14:00: The "gentle" hike turns into a climb that rivals Everest. The views are incredible, the air crisp, and my legs are starting to scream. We get slightly lost. Okay, very lost. I'm convinced a bear is watching us. At one point, I almost threw my hiking boots into the nearest ravine. (The small one.)
- 14:00: A local farmer, seemingly materializing from thin air, points us in the right direction. He looks at us with a perfect mix of amusement and pity. We stumble back to the house, utterly defeated but strangely exhilarated.
- 16:00-18:00: Beer. Necessity. Local brews taste like nectar of the Gods after that hike. I think I’ve earned it.
- 19:00: Dinner. We attempt to cook. Let's just say the Czech Republic is not going to send a culinary delegation to welcome us. We settle for pasta and laugh a lot. (Mostly at ourselves.)
Day 3: The Zlata Olesnice Obsession Begins
- 09:00: Coffee on the veranda. The view, I kid you not, is enough to make you cry with beauty.
- 10:00: Explore Zlata Olesnice itself. Tiny, charming village. The church bells chime. I briefly consider renouncing the modern world to become a shepherdess.
- 11:00-13:00: Let's Talk About This Market. The market in Zlata Olesnice. Tiny, two stalls. But Oh. My. God. The plums. The pastries. The kolaches!
- I buy 24, and I feel absolutely no shame. They are warm, fluffy, perfect. I eat six immediately, hiding the evidence from the rest of the group, because I clearly have no self-control.
- I get chatting with the woman behind the stall, through a hilarious mix of broken English and frantic gesturing. I buy more plums. I buy a loaf of bread. I buy a jar of homemade honey, which promptly explodes in the car on the way back.
- I am obsessed. I want to live here, specifically next to the market stall. The plums are my new religion.
- 14:00: Nap. Needed. All that pleasure will definitely take a beat and a half, more than three Kolaches by the way.
- 16:00-18:00: Evening stroll, maybe catch the sunset.
- 19:00: BBQ. Or at least, an attempt at it. We somehow manage to set the grill on fire… again.
Day 4: The Castle and the Quest for the Perfect Pilsner
- 09:00: We drive to a local castle that's on our list. They have a very nice looking museum, and not. My brain is still not ready.
- 11:00-13:00: Back to Zlata Olesnice! The quest for the perfect Pilsner beer is on. We try three different pubs, each with its own character. Local pubs are the best bars ever.
- 14:00: The beer is flowing, the sun is shining.
- 15:00-18:00: We decide to try to make our own adventure today - and it works!
- 19:00: Our last night.
Day 5: The Sad Goodbyes (and Prague Revisited)
- 09:00: Farewell breakfast. The house has grown on us in this time, we can't pretend this is something we would like to have in our lives.
- 11:00: A last stroll through Zlata Olesnice. One last kolache. This time I buy a whole box (shame).
- 12:00: Hit the road. Bratr needs a good home, a well-rested owner, or maybe just a rest.
- 15:00-18:00: Prague - Final stop. Enjoy the atmosphere of a big city, or at least trying to.
- 19:00: Dinner in the city.
- 20:00: The "I'm so glad I'm going home" feeling.
Post-Trip Thoughts:
- The Czech Republic is beautiful, and Zlata Olesnice is a secret treasure.
- My memory of this trip is almost certainly going to fade, and I don't want that to happen. I remember the plums, the beer and everything else.
- Next time, I'm bringing a compass, a phrasebook, and a fire extinguisher. And maybe a small truck to carry all the kolaches.
- This wasn't a perfect holiday, but it was absolutely perfect for me. It's the mess, the mishaps, and the moments of pure joy that make it a trip I'll never forget. And hey, if I ever need to write a book, I've got a pretty good first chapter now.
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