Les Eyzies Dream Cottage: Private Pool & Bergerac Charm!
Les Eyzies Dream Cottage: Private Pool & Bergerac Charm! - A Frankly Honest Review (Brace Yourself!)
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because I'm about to dive headfirst into my experience at Les Eyzies Dream Cottage. Forget polished travel brochures – this is the raw, unfiltered truth, sprinkled with a healthy dose of chaos and a dash of "did I pack enough wine?"
Metadata & SEO (Gotta play the game, folks!)
- Keywords: Les Eyzies, Dream Cottage, Dordogne, Bergerac, France, Private Pool, Accessible, Family-Friendly, Luxury, Spa, Review, Honest, Travel, Vacation, Holiday, Accommodation
- Meta Description: My uncensored review of Les Eyzies Dream Cottage! From the divine pool to the (slightly) dodgy Wi-Fi, I spill all the beans on accessibility, dining, and the overall "dream" experience. Is it worth it? Let's find out!
Accessibility: The Good, the Bad, and the "Could Be Better"
Right, let's start with the basics. I'm not wheelchair-bound, but I’ve got a wonky knee that throws a wrench in the works sometimes. The website promised accessibility. I'm squinting.
- (Wheelchair accessible): They claim wheelchair accessible. That’s a bit brave, frankly. Navigating the grounds felt…optimistic. Yes, there's an elevator, but some pathways were a bit gravel-ly. I’d call it “accessible, but with caveats.” If you have serious mobility issues, call ahead and grill them. Don't just trust the brochure!
- (Facilities for disabled guests): Again, ticking the box, but the execution could be better. The bathroom in my room? Adequate, but not exactly the height of design. Could use some grab bars. And the shower… well, let's just say I'm glad I'm not prone to dizzy spells!
Cleanliness and Safety: Sanitized, But Not Sterile!
Okay, this is where they really shone. Given the current… “world situation”… I was very grateful.
- (Anti-viral cleaning products): Yes, I could smell the cleaning, and it wasn’t the stale air of a forgotten hotel. It was good, proper cleaning.
- (Room sanitization between stays): Definitely. Felt extremely secure.
- (Staff trained in safety protocol): Absolutely. Seeing them wearing masks and being super conscious was comforting.
- (First aid kit): Yes
- (Hand sanitizer): Yesss
- (Hygiene certification): Not sure what it was, But The cleanliness was top-notch, I would say.
- (Individually-wrapped food options): More later.
- (Physical distancing of at least 1 meter): Mostly respected, but a few tight squeezes at breakfast, and I might be overly sensitive…
- (Professional-grade sanitizing services): They seemed to be on it. I’d say
- (Room sanitization opt-out available): I did not check this
- (Safe dining setup): Table spacing good, and more on that later.
- (Sanitized kitchen and tableware items): Seemed clean.
Rooms: Cozy & Chaotic (Just Like Me!)
Alright, the heart of the matter. My room!
- (Available in all rooms): So many things! Air con, air con everywhere (thank god), air con, alarms, alarm clocks (which I never used and always hate), bathrobes (YES!), Bathtub (YESSSS), Blackout curtains (YES!), Carpeting, Closet, Coffee/tea maker (essential, obviously), Complimentary tea, DAILY housekeeping (bless them), Desk, Extra long bed, FREE bottled water (always a win!), Hair dryer (thank the lord), High floor, In-room safe box, Interconnecting room(s) available, Internet access – LAN (I think they had that), Internet access – wireless (ah yes, the WiFi, we'll get to that), Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar (expensive, naturally), Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies (which I never watch…too busy living life!), Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Safety/security feature, Satellite/cable channels, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower (yay!), Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella (it rained, of course), Visual alarm, Wake-up service (never used it!), Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens…
- (Additional toilet): Nope.
- (Air conditioning): Essential!
- (Bathtub): Bliss.
- (Blackout curtains): Needed for my extreme laziness.
- (Closet): Sufficient, but I filled it in about 3 minutes.
- (Daily housekeeping): Seriously fantastic. Coming back to a clean room after a day of cheese-eating and wine-guzzling is the epitome of luxury (for me, anyway).
- (Internet access – wireless): The Achilles' heel for me. Wi-Fi was… patchy. Kept dropping out. I ended up tethering my phone for most of the trip, which is not ideal when you're trying to download photos of your lunch to Instagram. I'm a travel blogger. It's my whole life!
- (In-room safe box): Worked perfectly. Great for hiding my emergency chocolate.
- (Laptop workspace): Good sized, but a little cramped for serious work.
- (Mini bar): Overpriced, as always. I'm a cheap date on that front. I always bring my own snacks.
- (Non-smoking): YES!
- (Sofa): My favorite spot to read and drink too much wine.
- (Soundproofing): Pretty decent. Didn't hear the early-morning rooster, which is a miracle.
Things to Do: More Than Just Lounging (But Mostly Lounging)
Let's talk about the fun stuff. Oh, and ways to relax.
- (Pool with view): OH. MY. GOD. The pool. Picture this: turquoise water, sun blazing, cocktail in hand (see Poolside bar). I spent a significant amount of time here. Worth the trip alone. The view? Absolutely stunning. Makes you want to scream and release a huge sigh of pure, unfettered relaxation. I. LOVED. IT.
- (Swimming pool [outdoor]): Obviously.
- (Spa): They had a spa. I didn't use it. I think I was still recovering from the poolside cocktails.
- (Fitness center): Are you kidding? I came to France to eat cheese, not punish myself! (although it's there, if you're a masochist)
- (Couple's room): Yep.
- (Exterior corridor): Nope
- (Room decorations): Simple but nice.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: A Culinary Adventure…with Hiccups
Food! The real reason I visit France.
(A la carte in restaurant): Yes.
(Asian breakfast): No.
(Asian cuisine in restaurant): No.
(Bar): Yes! And a damn fine one at that. Happy hour was…well, happy!
(Breakfast [buffet]): Yes!
(Bottle of water): Provided (thankfully).
(Buffet in restaurant): See breakfast.
(Coffee/tea in restaurant): Yes.
(Coffee shop): I don't think they had one.
(Desserts in restaurant): Magnifique! Don't skip the crème brûlée. Just don't.
(Happy hour): Excellent!
(International cuisine in restaurant): Mostly French food, but very good French food.
(Poolside bar): Crucial. Cocktails, snacks, and that glorious pool. Life-changing. Okay, maybe not life-changing, but definitely vacation-changing.
(Restaurants): On-site restaurant was good; it was actually amazing.
(Room service [24-hour]): Handy, but I preferred the bar.
(Salad in restaurant): Good.
(Snack bar): Available at the poolside bar.
(Soup in restaurant): Yes.
(Vegetarian restaurant): Nah.
(Western breakfast): Yes.
(Western cuisine in restaurant): Yes
(Alternative meal arrangement): They were flexible with things if you ask nicely.
(Breakfast service): The breakfast was… interesting. A buffet, which is always
Okay, buckle up, buttercups! This isn't your average, pristine itinerary. This is my itinerary, and let's be honest, it's probably going to involve a lot of frantic Googling and questionable life choices. But hey, at least it'll be entertaining, right?
The Grand (and Likely Slightly Disastrous) Dordogne Adventure: A Cottage, a Pool, and Me (and Maybe Some Wine!)
The Holy Grail: Our Base of Operations - The Cottage in Les Eyzies (I’ll probably butcher the pronunciation)
Day 1: Arrival and Existential Dread (and Shopping!)
- 14:00 - 16:00: Flight arrives in Bergerac. "Oh good, plane actually landed, I'm not dead yet," I'll breathlessly text my friend before adding, "Don't wait up, I'll probably be hours!" I'm notoriously slow getting through airports, because, you know, everything feels like a potential disaster.
- 16:00 - 17:00: Rental car pick-up. Let's pray the insurance covers "accidental run-in with a particularly stubborn French roundabout." Getting the car, this feels like a test of my patience. "Oui, Madame… Non Madame… Ah oui, pardon Madame."
- 17:00 - 18:30: Grocery shopping. This is where the REAL vacation begins and my anxiety peaks. Armed with a phrasebook and a desperate need for baguette and cheese, I'll navigate the supermarket. "Is…is that a melon? Is it ripe? How do I know?" I'll undoubtedly end up buying something completely random, like pickled onions.
- 18:30 - 19:30: Finally LOCATED the cottage. Unpacking. This is my "zen" moment, where I will put on my best, "I'm definitely a sophisticated traveler" act, even if my suitcase looks like a bomb went off. I'll immediately inspect the pool. Is it…clean? Have a quick dip. It’s freezing.
- 19:30 - Late: First dinner. If I can figure out the oven, a simple pasta dish. If not, a rogue baguette, cheese, and a bottle of wine. I'll probably spill half the wine. "Classic me". Read a book, fall asleep.
Day 2: Prehistoric Caves and Questionable Decisions
- Morning: Visit the Musée National de Préhistoire (National Museum of Prehistory), because, you know, culture. I’ll try to be respectful, but let’s face it, my attention span is shorter than a prehistoric squirrel. I may or may not zone out while reading descriptions, thinking about what the cavemen ate.
- Lunch: Picnic by the Vézère River: Okay, this is the vibe I want. Sun on my face, baguette in hand, and hopefully, no aggressive bugs. Will I dress like a cliché? Absolutely.
- Afternoon: Lascaux IV Cave: Tickets need to be booked WELL in advance because everyone wants to see these cave paintings I hear. I’m already excited, and terrified because it's dark and potentially claustrophobic. Afterwards if the excitement haven't fried my brain, I’ll go to the gift shop and buy a plastic triceratops.
- Evening: Restaurant in Les Eyzies. I'll try to order something other than "cheese and bread," which will probably fail. Hopefully, the waiter understands my broken French. "Un…un…uh… vin rouge, please? And… merci…" There will be a lot of pointing on Google Translate. Overeat, feel slightly guilty.
Day 3: Castles, Views, and Wine-induced Humility
- Morning: Château de Castelnaud. Because what's a trip to France without a castle? I'll try to look interested in the history, but mostly I'll be admiring the view. Take approximately 500 photos.
- Lunch: At a Café near the castle. Order something I can't pronounce. It will probably taste amazing. It will probably be expensive. I won't care.
- Afternoon: Beynac-et-Cazenac. I’m already picturing myself wandering the cobbled streets, pretending to be a sophisticated traveler. Probably take about a million photos of picturesque buildings.
- Evening: Wine tasting! Ugh. I'm not a connoisseur, I'm a "loves wine and can never remember the names" kind of person. I’ll try to act like I know what I'm doing, swirl the wine, and pretend to detect “notes of… something.” I will almost certainly spit it out. My attempts at sophistication will be destroyed in a sticky red mess.
- Evening Part 2: After Wine Tasting: Drive back to the cottage. This is where it gets questionable. Pray the French drivers are calm!
- Late Night: Talk to myself, look at stars, remember to be grateful for the life I have.
Day 4: River Adventure and Maybe a Tantrum
- Morning: Canoeing the Dordogne River. "I am one with nature," I'll declare majestically before promptly capsizing. Hopefully, I won't lose all my belongings. Will I remember sunscreen? Probably not. Regret.
- Lunch: Picnic beside the river, or at the closest Café that's not too wet.
- Afternoon: Sarlat-la-Canéda. Because more pretty buildings! I'll get hopelessly lost, but hopefully in a charming way.
- Evening: Restaurant in Sarlat. More food I can't pronounce. More wine. More questionable life choices.
- Late Night: Feel overstimulated, possibly have a small existential crisis about wanting to live here forever, before the need to go back home.
Day 5: Markets, Food, and a Possible Breakdown
- Morning: Explore a local market. Trying local produce, buying some stinky cheese, and feeling slightly overwhelmed by the sheer abundance of delicious food.
- Lunch: Eat everything I’ve just bought.
- Afternoon: Attempt to bake something in the cottage kitchen. This is where the "maybe a breakdown" part comes in. Will the oven work? Will I accidentally set off a fire alarm? Probably.
- Evening: Final dinner. Try to cook something "fancy" if the kitchen survived my earlier efforts. If not, it's back to baguette and cheese, and maybe a tear or two. Contemplate my entire life while staring at the pool. Maybe go for a late-night swim.
Day 6: Departure and the Sweet, Sweet Relief of Returning to Chaos!
- Morning: One last coffee on the patio. A moment of peacefulness before the chaos of packing and heading back to the airport.
- Afternoon: Flight back home! Reflect on the trip, already planning the next one.
- Evening: Arrive home, utterly exhausted but filled with memories (and a suitcase full of questionable souvenirs). Immediately start planning the next trip.
Final Thoughts:
This itinerary is a rough sketch. Expect delays, spontaneous detours, and plenty of moments where I'll want to scream. But that's the beauty of it, isn't it? The imperfections, the unexpected moments, the sheer absurdity of it all. That is what I will remember. And as long as I make it back in one piece (and with a decent supply of wine), I'll consider it a success! Wish me luck!
Escape to Paradise: Stunning Santa Lucia Di Moriani Seaside Villa
Les Eyzies Dream Cottage: FAQ - 'Cause Let's Be Real, You Have Questions! (And I Have Opinions!)
Okay, So, "Dream Cottage"? Is it REALLY? Like, Insta-worthy dreamy?
Dreamy? Well... *ahem*... let's just say it's *mostly* dreamy. Think sun-drenched stone walls, the scent of lavender, and the promise of total relaxation. The pictures? Yeah, they're pretty accurate. But life, and cottages, are rarely perfectly filtered, right? I'll be honest, first arriving was a little underwhelming. It was hotter than Hades, the pool looked a little…green-ish, and I swear the cat eyeing me from the veranda gave me the stink eye. BUT, give it a day (and a very strong glass of rosé) and the magic starts to work. It's the kind of place where you REALLY unwind. Dreamy-ish? Yes. Perfect? Nah. And frankly, that's kinda the charm.
The Pool! What's the deal with the pool?! Is it actually swimmable, and did you…you know…*swim* in it?
Ah, the pool. My initial assessment was… *gulp*… green. Okay, algae bloom, I'm guessing? I almost panicked. I pictured myself turning into something out of the Creature from the Black Lagoon. (Dramatic, I know.) But! The owner, bless her heart, had a pool guy on speed dial. He swooped in like a chlorine-scented superhero, and within hours, it sparkled! And yes, I swam. Glorious, blissful swimming. I may have spent a good ten hours a day in that pool, especially recovering from the last glass of bergerac I have. It's private, it's refreshing, and after a day of exploring the Dordogne? HEAVEN. Just…make sure you check the water quality, okay? I’m not judging, I'm just advising.
Bergerac Charm - What's that all about? Is it... well, is there actually charm?
Bergerac. Oh, Bergerac. Yes, there's charm. Loads of it. Cobblestone streets, half-timbered houses, the scent of freshly baked bread... it’s like stepping into a movie. I thought I was in the movie "chocolat", but more like a tired extra by the end of the day. The markets are amazing, overflowing with local produce (stock up on the strawberries – seriously!), and the wine… well, it's Bergerac. Enough said. But here's the reality check: sometimes the charm hides a bit of, ahem, *rustic* practicality. Parking can be a nightmare. And, yes, that charming little cafe might not speak much English. But the experience? Totally worthwhile. Embrace the imperfections, and you'll be charmed indeed. Just maybe brush up a little bit on your French, you know? Or get really good at charades, like me.
Is it family-friendly? We have kids (and they have… opinions).
Hmm. Family-friendly... It depends on your kids, honestly. *My* kids? They'd probably find it boring after two days. The pool is the main attraction, obviously. But there are also plenty of things to do, like canoeing the Dordogne river, exploring the caves, riding bikes around. The cottage itself is pretty child-safe (as far as I could tell, other than things breaking). The kitchen is well equipped (which means you can make a lot of food, which also means you need to clean which sucks). But honestly? It's geared more towards a relaxed, adult getaway. If your kids are the adventurous, explorer type, then yes. If they're glued to screens and need constant entertainment? Maybe not.
What about the kitchen? Is it fully equipped? I'm not trying to survive on croissants the entire week (though the thought is tempting).
The kitchen? Good question! It's… functional. They provide the basics. Pots, pans, a decent coffee maker (essential!), and enough crockery to make you feel like you're not eating out of paper plates. But… let's just say it's not a Michelin-star chef's dream kitchen. I burned toast three times. There's a decent fridge, so you can stock up on local cheeses and wines and feel like you're living the high life. The oven? Well, it works, but I never quite trusted it when I had the best intentions to cook well until I fell into cooking one quick meal every single day. Bring your own spices. And maybe a backup plan for takeout, just in case. But honestly, it's perfectly adequate. And you're on holiday. Perfection is overrated, right?
Okay, fine, but what's the *absolute* best thing about the cottage? What's the one thing that made you go, "Yes, I'm definitely coming back?"
Ah, *the* best thing. Okay, brace yourself. It's not the pool. It's not the Bergerac charm (though that's up there). It's not the *entire* experience. Although... I'd say it was the moment, the *absolute* moment when I sat on that stone terrace, with a glass of chilled rosé, the sun setting over the valley, the cicadas buzzing, and just… *existing*. The stress of your life disappearing. The world, for that one glorious hour, seemed perfect. And I thought, "Yeah. I'll take this. I'll take this *again*." It's the feeling of total escape, of peace, of simply *being*. Find your perfect moment. It's worth it.
Are there any downsides I should know about, other than the possible algae bloom? Be honest, I'm fine with the dirty laundry.
Oh, there are downsides. Of course, there are. No place is perfect, even if it is *mostly* perfect. The Wi-Fi was a bit… spotty. Good for digital detox, bad for staying connected with the world. Also, the stairs to the upstairs bedrooms were steep, so be careful. And the local shop can be a little expensive and is only open certain hours. Also, the French neighbors were kind of nosy, but what does that even matter? But honestly? The downsides are easily outweighed by the good stuff. You're in the Dordogne. You're in a cute cottage. You have a private pool. What more do you want? Just go.
What should I pack? Besides the obvious (swimsuit, sunscreen, etc.)
Okay, packing. This is crucial. Definitely pack swimwear,Hospitality Trails
Cottage in Les Eyzies-De-Tayac-Sireuil with pool Bergerac France
Cottage in Les Eyzies-De-Tayac-Sireuil with pool Bergerac France
